My daily briefing with Number 10

If the government really wants to know what I'm doing in cyberspace, then why not make it easy for them? I've got nothing to hide. And the founding principle of our justice system is the presumption of innocence until proven guilt, right? So I'm sure they don't mean to be treating everyone as suspected terrorists, it's just coming across that way. Maybe that's because they just haven't got used to online 'netiquette' yet. LOL! n00bs.

To be honest, they could find out most stuff just by befriending me on facebook. But because David keeps declining my friend request, the only option is for me to give them a daily status report. Which I've been doing every day this week.

Here's this morning's.

Date: Thu, 05 Apr 2012 10:05:21 +0100
From: My email address
To: David Cameron via the Number 10 website
Subject: The next installment...

Hi there,

I was in meetings most of the day yesterday and I had a date with my boyfriend in the evening, so I didn’t spend much time online.

I did buy these shoes on Ebay though. Nice, aren’t they? I could see Samantha wearing them.

And I also received this email from my friend who’s gone to San Francisco for a bit:

Flight was extremely bearable, even the food resembled something edible. But unfortunately I have the deluxe package of shivers, a temperature, blocked nose sore throat, all of which hit me as soon as I got here. Their drugs are crap as well ie they don't have Day Nurse. Also all their flu drugs proudly say 'pseudo ephedrine free' on the packet, as if it’s a good thing. Being ill in a foreign country sucks. Although it could be worse I suppose, I could be ill in, say, Turkmenistan.

Catch you later!

x

That’s it for now.

E

PS: Do I need to be detailing my emails to you too? I haven’t been as you’re the recipient so I figured you’d automatically count them. LMK.

Keeping the Prime Minister up to date with my internetting.

Every day this week I'm emailing the Prime Minister to tell him what I've been up to online. I figured it'd be easier than him having to sneak around with covert surveillance.

If he wants to know the minutiae of my online life, he's welcome to it! I'll make him sorry he ever asked... *shakes fist*

Here's today's update.

Date: Wed, 04 Apr 2012 09:48:47 +0100
From: My email address
To: David Cameron via the Number 10 website
Subject: Hi there

Hello. Here I am with today’s update on yesterday’s online antics. Enjoy!

Tuesday 03 April 2012
1000 (I had this IM convo with my friend)
Me: you know our theory about getting fat when we’re older to fill out the wrinkles?
Friend: yeah
Me: well are we old enough to start getting fat yet?
Friend: no, we decided we were going to stay slim in our 30s and then start chubbing out in our 40s
Me: oh *sadly puts down third easter egg*
Friend: so i hear you’re coming to rosie’s lunch thing on Friday?
Me: sure am
Friend: sick
Me: yes, yes it will be xx

1300 sent email to boss about how we should all have recycling bins by our desks.

1400 visited www.mygpsurgerywebsite.com/book_an_appointment_online to make an appointment for a smear test as my last one was in 2008 – (or do you already know that? I just want to be thorough.)

1500 facebook.com

1600 twitter.com

1700 google search for ‘washrinseandrepeat’; ‘washrinserepeat’; ‘washrinserepeat london’; ‘washrinseandrepeat UK’

1800 (left work and went home)

1900 watched Embarrassing Bodies on 4OD


Hope that helps! Be in touch tomorrow.

Optimus Prime Minister

After reading about the coalition government's u-turn on internet surveillance and its introduction of a new law that allows the Home Office to eavesdrop on everyone's online conversations, I thought I'd pre-empt their sneaky nosing and just ante up my info. Much quicker all round really.

So I decided to send David Cameron an email every day for the next week, detailing all my online activity for the previous day*

Here's what I sent him this morning.


Date: Tue, 03 Apr 2012 08:48:47 +0100
From: My email address
To: David Cameron via the Number 10 website
Subject: Would it be easier if...

...we all just emailed you daily to let you know what we're looking at on the internet? Like a sort of internet amnesty. It'd save lots of taxpayers' money because you wouldn't have to set up expensive online surveillance and hire people to run it all. I'm sure you've got a PA who'd help you sort through everything. Maybe ask Nick?

Shall I kick it off? I could drop you a line every morning, around this time, to let you know what I was looking at online the previous day. Let's try it and see how it goes.

Monday 2nd April 2012
0900 hotmail.com
0930 twitter.com
1000 twitter.com
1030 facebook.com
1100 facebook.com
1130 facebook.com
1200 facebook.com
1230 lolcats.com
1300 twitter.com
1330 google search for 'can you die from holding in a wee'
1400 google search for 'why don't pandas like sex'
1430 google search for 'what did people in the olden days wear to fancy dress parties'**
1500 twitter.com
1530 facebook.com
1600 youtube.com/madonna_videos
1630 youtube.com/cat_videos
1700 youtube.com/cats_singing
1730 youtube.com/baby_sloths
1800 (I left work here and travelled home, but I did probably check twitter on my phone while I was waiting at the bus stop)
1900 twitter.com
1930 facebook.com
2000 google search for 'game of thrones nudity'
2030 google search for 'marc jacobs shoes size 5 cheap'
2100 facebook.com
2130 twitter.com
2200 hotmail.com

Hope that's the kind of thing you're after. I'll be in touch tomorrow with an update on today's internet activity.

Cheers!

WashRinseRepeat



*I may have fabricated most of these for my own amusement.

** Thanks EB ;) x