Pygmy Sty.

Hey, hippo, wash your face.

X Factor

Hmmm yesterday's post was a bit Sylvia Plath wasn't it?

On a brighter note, I SWEAR I saw Simon Cowell's sartorially experimental sidekick, Sinnitta, getting on my bus this morning. I really hope it was her.

Here's a video of Sinnitta for your enjoyment.

Gradual Passing of Time

Just realised that today is the 7th anniversary of my graduation from university (the first time round). I graduated again from law school in 2005 but I didn't bother going to that ceremony.

The truth is that, with the state my mum was in at that time, there was no way she could have been there; all drunk and mad and unable to stand up for more than 5 minutes. I feel guilty typing that but it's true. I loved her beyond measure but the disease was a liability.

There was also no way I could have gone to my graduation ceremony on my own because, it being law school, all of my class would have been there with their oh-so-normal-and-proud Telegraph-reading parents and I would have had to have fielded a billion questions from them about why my family wasn't there. Then I would have been faced with the dilemma that's so familiar to relatives of alcoholics: tell the truth and deal with the awkwardness and judgment masked as sympathy, or make up some bullshit excuse and have to remember it right each time someone new asks you.

Better just not to go. That anniversary isn't until next November now anyway, by which time my mum will have been dead for 3 years and 3 months. Not that I'm counting.

Dumbass. Base.

With what was more of a wet fart than a fanfare, voting opened yesterday for the 'Drum and Bass' awards, to be held in Feb next year up in Birmingham.

Just as international super star dnb DJ and pop fashion icon, John B, tweeted today, "never recognized the authority of this 1 anyway. Just a moneymaking promoter $cam. I'm going for 'best crowd hyping MC' in protest", I too am choosing not to recognise these awards (after this blog post).

Kmag, a magazine and website I have written for for years, and that has been going for over a decade, tried last year with Trackitdown.net to host their own much more credible drum and bass awards in London, only to be aggressively warned off by the thuggy promoters of the Brummie event. Right, because unlike Hollywood with the Baftas, the Oscars and the Golden Globes; or even other dance music publications like Mixmag and DJ Mag, drum and bass ONLY has room for one awards ceremony. Makes total sense.

If you feel like making your voice heard then, rather counter-intuitively, I would urge you not to vote. When an awards event has a monopoly like this, it would be the least democratic vote ever anyway.

Boo to scene thuggery. Crap crap crap.

Gratuitous Kittens

In answer to Mr Medovich in the comments a few posts back; no, those aren't my kittens. But for your (and others') viewing pleasure, here's a video of some kittens that are (or were) mine, from last year. They are very big cats now. Very big ones. We'll never know who the dad was, but I'm guessing he was huge. Lucky Minnie...!

Ballsy. Gagged.

The wonderful people over at Don't Panic (one of the sites I write for) made this film the other day:

http://www.dontpaniconline.com/magazine/original/new-torture-club-opens-in-vauxhall-1

The very next day after it ran on the site and this story ran in the Guardian, http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2009/dec/06/dont-panic-protest-tv, their offices were broken into and their hard drives nicked. Nothing else taken, only the hard drives.

Strange, no?

Loris Lame

They mean slow like 'retarded', right?